Dangers of Domestic Violence in the Church

On Saturday November 4, 2017, I stood in front of a small church of about 100 members doing our “Why you need church security?” presentation. I remember warning them that domestic violence was one of the biggest threats to our churches and we, as a church, need to pay more attention to the needs of those going through this terrible situation.  I went on to explain that I feared that the next major church shooting would have domestic violence as the catalyst behind the incident.  On Sunday November 5, 2017, I was having lunch with Wendy at one of our favorite restaurants when I started to get text messages from my Church Safety Networking Group that a church shooting had just happened in Sutherland Springs, Texas and there were multiple casualties.  I turned on the news and started seeing the reports, I had that sinking feeling that it had to be domestic in nature.  That many causalities also meant it was someone that they knew and there had to be warning signs.  As the reports started to come out about the 26 victims and that the shooter was the ex-son-in-law of one of the members in the church.  The shooter had been sending the ex-mother-in-law threatening text messages.  She was not there, but her mother was and was one of the casualties that day.
 
Everyday we receive an email from Google called a Google Alert.  These alerts are searches Google does for us on crimes against the churches across the world.  Last week I came across an article “Alabama Man Tackled After Allegedly Pulling Gun in Church”. Reading the Alabama article, I saw that on July 8th, 2017 a man was arrested at the church for threatening to shoot his wife and possibly her father.  The soon to be ex-husband interrupted the church service by walking up the front of the church and talked about his upcoming divorce with his wife then attempted to pull his weapon when members of the church jumped into action and tackled the would-be shooter.  There are so many things that come to my mind when I read stories like this, so I just want to share some of my thoughts on how issues like this should not get this far.
 
I was doing a training session with a church on “Verbal De-Escalation” and one of the members of the church made a statement that took me by surprise. He stated that members of any church may have to work with someone who is troubled from “cradle to grave”.   I had never looked at the Christian responsibility when working with a hurting subject but, yes he was correct.  If we believe that God is in control and He guides us to where He needs us then God puts you in front that person who is hurting and needs help.  Trust me, most of us don’t put ourselves in those positions, He does.  Once a person is put in front of us by God, we can’t just walk away.  Now I am not saying you have to adopt this person, but you should do as much as you possibly can.  As a church we need to reach out to the members of our churches and talk about domestic issues.  In law enforcement one of the calls we hated the most were domestic disturbances.  You never win in those calls.  First there is the stress you have going to these calls not knowing what you are going to be walking into when you get there.  I can remember going to an apartment one Christmas to find the husband upset because he had not gotten what he had asked for.  He had destroyed the apartment.  Getting there and seeing the wife was beat up and when we went to arrest the husband the wife jumped on us because we were getting ready to arrest the “bread winner” of the family.  The 2017 End of Year Officer Fatalities Report states “The leading circumstance of firearms-related fatalities were officers responding to domestic disturbances and conducting traffic stops.”  I have never talked to one officer that looked forward to going on a domestic disturbance call.   
 
The church of today has to take a more pro-active role in working with those that advise the church of domestic issues.  The church must make this a priority in their outreach.  In any situation where we see “hurts, habits or hang-ups”, we, the church needs to gather information of the situation to decide first how we can help and second, if these issues in any way that could be a threat to the church.  We as the church safety team must stress that any information about a pending divorce needs to be relayed to the safety team.  Once again, this is not gossip, this is just intelligence information that may need to be passed on to the team to keep a watchful eye on all involved especially if physical violence has occurred in the past. Also, be careful about a spouse telling you that their ex will not hurt a fly.  Those are the ones we read about where everyone is shaking their head, not understanding how this could have gotten so far out of hand.  No one and I mean no one understands what is floating around in some one’s mind after a terrible divorce.   
 
Christ was asked what is the greatest commandment? 28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28-31.  If we as Christians believe this then we have a responsibility to make sure we do everything we can to help those that Christ puts in front of us.  As the member stated from “cradle to grave”.

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